Mad People and Perverts
by mariXwic32
Summary: Book 3 of Mad People is here! The story gets wierder and wierder, and waaaay more perverted than before! Plunge into the continued perverted adventures of the Akatsuki, Akiri and the perverted Gods. What happens when a big fight between friends commences? Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: When does this end?

**A/N: so here's the third book of the series. I plan on writing a fourth book as well, but I'm still contemplating it.**

***everyone throws a huge party for no reason at all***

**Anyway, enjoy this chapter and review, review you bastards, review, or the cherry vocaloid from hell will come and rape you while you sleep and feed your brains to her evil zombie minions, MUAHAHAHAHA**

**Kisame: *eyes twitching* she's going nuts again.**

**Itachi: *nods* hn.**

**Hidan: imma just gonna go over there *points to a corner and walks over there***

**Konan: *sigh* review please, otherwise I will set Pein on you.**

Where did we end up last?

Oh yeah, the dragon balls...

Goku looked up at the massive dragon. "WHERE AM I NOW?" The dragon asked.

"..."

"WHAT IS YOUR WISH?"

Goku piped up. "Oh great and powerful Shinron, I wish you to bring back Ichibi from the dead."

Silence. "WHO'S ICHIBICH?"

Akiri's eye twitched. "Our friend. We wish that she be brought back to life, and its ICHIBI."

"OH, VERY WELL," the dragon's eyes flashed red. "YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED!"

- Ichibi's p.o.v -

I stared at Hades, still covering myself. "**Come on, you can't seriously be that scared?**"

"Well I am! So piss off!" I squeaked. And then I felt myself falling. "WHOAAAA!"

- Normal p.o.v -

"There she comes..." Akiri sighed. Sasuke was running around like a loon, trying to get the right angle at which Ichibi was falling so he could catch her.

Needless to say, it ended with Sasuke being crushed.

Everyone turned to, the now reborn, Ichibi. She looked at everyone. Sasuke's nose started to bleed and he fainted from loss of too much blood. Ichibi looked down at herself.

"OMFG! Could you guys mind bringing me back to life when I'm not butt naked?!"

Akiri started to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

Still laughing.

Ichibi looked behind her only to see a very naked as what she is Hades behind her. "**Well, that was rather dissapointing.**"

"GYACK!" Ichibi bolted for home. Akiri was still roaring with laughter.

"WHAT IS YOUR SECOND WISH?"

"Eh?" Akiri turned her head to the dragon.

"The second wish." Goku said.

"Oh, uh, I wish my GTI was in the garage."

The dragon's eyes flashed red. "YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED." There was a flash and the dragon dissapeared.

Goku's eye twitched. "Couldn't you ask for something useful?"

"It is. I've been waiting to get my baby here the whole time."

"Huh?"

"Never mind." Akiri walked into the castle and sat down in one of the couches. "Hey, Ichibi, get yer ass down here and tell us what happened."

Said small-tittied-scared-of-Hades-virgin poked her head around the corner. "No."

"Fine, I'll get you back."

Three hours later, Ichibi emerged from her room, for what reason she stayed up there, God knows. "Will you start yappin' now?" Akiri asked, looking at Ichibi over the newspaper.

Ichibi stared at the front page. "Did the ANC win again?"

Akiri turned the newspaper around. "Apparently, yes."

"What's the a-en-see?" Naruto asked.

Ichibi frowned, Akiri sighed. "The government that is supposed to take care of South Africa, but does a bloody kak job, if you ask me. DA should take charge, but they never win." Akiri said.

"They were close this year." Ichibi pointed to the front page again.

"Oh yeah. Maybe next time they'll win."

Naruto was dumbfounded. Ichibi looked at him. "Never mind, its too much for your brain to handle, not to mention you don't have one at all."

Akiri burst out laughing and continued to read the newspaper. "So spill the beans." She said.

Ichibi sighed. "Fine," Exactly three seconds later, everyone was in the living-room, to hear what she's been up to. She pointed to Hades. "He tried to rape me."

"**Did not.**" He retorted.

"Yes you did."

"**You wanted to.**"

"..."

"**Why do virgins always have to be bitches?**" Hades sighed. Ichibi grabbed the first thing she got in hand and threw it at Hades' head.

"Even if I did want to have sex, I wouldn't do it with you!" Ichibi yelled and ran upstairs. Hades turned to where she had dissapeared and sighed.

Sasuke was confused, then his expression changed to anger. "WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!"

Hades turned to him. "**At least I'm better looking than what you are, shitty-pants.**" He then went outside, prolly to get some fresh air. Sasuke was fuming, until Momo threw a book at his head.

"Irish party anyone?" Akiri asked.

Everyone frose. Itachi turned his head to her ever so slooowly, some sort of squeaking noise coming from it. "Are you nuts?"

"No, I'm Akiri."

"No wonder..." Hidan sighed.

"Well then!" Akiri smiled, throwing down the newspaper. "Let's get this party on the roll!"

18:23. Everyone was in the courtyard. The magical creatures started to arrive and poor Tobi was half trampled to death when he tried to ride a unicorn. Doos.

Anycase, there was, yet again, lots of alcohol involved and quaffing. (Quaffing: drinking, but with more spilling involved.) Jashin and Dante sticked close to Akiri, talking, laughing and drinking.

Ichibi was enjoying herself, yet again, on the wine and dancing with a centaur. (Sweatdrop. How many times do we have to tell her to stop fucking drinking?!)

Momo? Eh? Uh, oh, she sat at the table, drinking and flirting with Naruto.

"_**Ev chistr 'ta Laou, rak chistr zo mat, loñla**_

_**Ev chistr 'ta Laou, rak chistr zo mat**_

_**Ev chistr 'ta Laou, rak chistr zo mat**_

_**Ur blank, ur blank ar chopinad loñla**_

_**Ur blank, ur blank ar chopinad.**_"

One of the best Celtic songs started to play. (And I consider it the best because it is!)

Ev Chistr'ta Laou, if you're wondering.

Everyone started to dance, or were still dancing (in Ichibi's case).

"_**Ar chistr zo graet 'vit bout evet, loñla**_

_**Hag ar merc'hed 'vit bout karet**_

_**Karomp pep hini e hini, loñla**_

_**'Vo kuit da zen kaout jalousi**_."

The party carried on until poes laat in the nag, where the author's father would usually scold her to go to sleep immediately! Eish. Okay.

Everyone was either passed out or had gone home or was still awake, talking sloggily. So what happens the next day?

**I wanted to add that song... Go download and listen it for mee, its such a beautiful song!**

**Anycase, I want reviews, and that's it for my first chapter of my third book!**

**Stay tuned for the second chapter! Love y'all!**

**And reviews dammit!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Pure and Utter Hatered.

**A/N: thank you, jojoflamingo, for reviewing. To answer you're questions, my dear friend:**

**No, ek ken nie die foken antwoorde nie; en watter wiskunde toets? Yes, ek hou van koekies. No, my kamer ruik nie soos blomme nie alhoewel dit soos incense ruik: and finally, yes, ek het potlode, maar jy kry fokkol.**

**Another thing I would like to add...**

**This chapter may contain scenes of hate, sex and violence, so I advise each and every one of you, my dear readers, to check that you are above the age of 15 and know what the word sex and fuck means.**

**Other than that, enjoy and review!**

**Disclaimer: me no own Narutoz.**

Ichibi was the first to wake up; and, having drunk the most, she had the biggest hangover in history. She sat up veery slowly, looked around, stood up and walked, rather skewly, to the kitchen for coffee.

The smell of coffee woke Momo and carried her to the kitchen, afterwhich, Naruto and Itachi followed, both grabbing a cup of coffee.

Now, my dear readers, the fun begins. Kisame walked into the kitchen, half naked and a sleeping Luna on his leg. Akiri walked into the kitchen a while later and saw this little problem. Her eye twitched irritably and she grabbed Luna by her collar and slung her across the room.

Luna jerked awake when she hit the floor, just as Akuto walked into the room. Momo gasped and Ichibi stared in shock, both waiting to see what happens next.

Akuto ran over to Luna and helped her up. Akiri had her back to them, still pissed off. Itachi was passed out on the table.

An hour later, everyone was in the kitchen, coffee in hand. The magical creatures hand either left before the party ended or when the party ended.

Kakashi sighed. "Well that was... Interesting."

Hidan nodded in agreement. "What was?" Ichibi asked.

"Last night." Dante said.

"Oh."

"Anyone seen Goku or Bulma yet?" Pein asked. Everyone shook their heads.

Akiri stood up. "Probably sent back to their world." She said and went to the living-room. Ichibi and Momo followed suit and afterwards, everyone except Itachi (who was still asleep in the kitchen) was in the living-room.

Three days later there was a huge fight between Akiri and Luna. "YOU FUCKING BITCH!"

"AT LEAST I'M NOT THE WHORE WHO GETS FUCKED!"

"AT LEAST I'M NOT THE ONE STUCK BEING A VIRGIN!" Lots of hair pulling and clawing and biting commenced.

Eh? Why were they fighting?

Luna was busy annoying the shit out of Akiri, and Akiri had the last straw when Luna 'accedentally' bumped into Dante whilst on her way to the kitchen. Luna hit Dante in the nuts in the collision.

"YOU THINK YOU'RE SO FUCKING AWESOME, EH? WELL LEMME TELL YOU SOMETHING, BEATING UP MY LOVER IS JUST PLAIN FUCKED UP!" Akiri screeched.

"JUST CUZ YOU'RE THE LEADER OF THIS PAZASSI GROUP, DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO SCOLD EVERYONE FOR DOING SOMETHING ACCEDENTALLY!"

"YOU FUCKING HIT HIM IN THE NUTS, DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT I WOULD JUST PASS IT OFF AS AN ACCIDENT?"

"EXACTLY AS I FUCKING THOUGHT! YOU REALLY ARE A FUCKING BITCH!" Luna shouted.

"THAT'S IT! GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!" Akiri yelled, slapping Luna across the face, making her fly across the room.

Luna stood up rubbing her cheek. "So that's what you do to friends... I get it... Akuto, let's go." She ran upstairs and started to pack, crying.

Akuto stared at nothing in particular, having a mental breakdown. "..." She mumbled something inaudible to human ears, stood up and went to her room to pack.

Momo watched as her two friends headed upstairs, shock lined her face like a missile. Akiri had already stormed outside for air.

Ten minutes later, Luna and Akuto had finished packing and were in the front yard of the castle. Akuto looked at Ichibi. Akiri glared at the two and they turned and left.

Momo started crying. "What's wrong?" Naruto asked, putting his hands on her shoulders.

"I don't get why everything has to end in fights!" She wailed, sobbing into Naruto's shoulder.

He hugged her tightly, comforting her. "I'm sure everything will be fine." He said.

"Okay." Momo smiled and received another hug from Naruto.

Akiri was already inside, on the couch, glaring at the ceiling. Everone else was either sad, shocked or jolly well confused. Naruto and Momo were upstairs. Zetsu was missing and so was Kisame.

Itachi sat on the floor by the TV, his knees pulled up to his chest. Deidara walked over to Akiri and started massaging her neck.

"What the hell?" She turned around.

"I-I'm just trying to calm you d-down." He said. Akiri turned back and clicked the TV on.

Three minutes later.

"_Ow! OW! That hurts! Owiie!_"

"_Lay still! Its not even in yet!_"

"_But it hurts!_"

Akiri stared at the ceiling. "Geez, they're loud..." Deidara sighed.

After a while, the noise died down and all that was left was:

"_Aaahh, more! NARUTO!_"

And then five minutes later Kisame bounced into the living room with a camera, grinning. Konan sweatdropped. "You bloody pervert..."

"What?"

"You don't do shit like that, nigga." Sasori said.

"Zetsu told me to, for blackmail..."

Everyone turned to Zetsu, who was missing. "Excuse me for a while." Akiri stood up and went to Momo's room. She banged on the door. "YOU TWO FUCKERS DONE YET?!"

"Hey! Bug off!" Naruto grumbled.

"Fine..." She went to her room and lay down on her bed. She soon fell asleep.

A while later, Jashin walked into Akiri's room with Hidan in tow, to check on Akiri. Jashin walked over to her and kissed her cheek and left, leaving Hidan behind, since the idiot had to keep an eye on her after he lost the straw thingy.

He sat down in the chair near the dresser and sighed. A book lay open on the desk, so he decided to check it out. He flipped through a few pages until he came across an unusual symbol. Deciding he would ask Akiri about it later, he folded the corner of the page and returned to where it was.

Akiri stirred and then opened her eyes. She sat up and lit a cigarette, ignoring Hidan.

She finally acknowledged his presence when she stood up and went into the bathroom. "Lock the door, would you..." She said. Hidan stood up and locked the bedroom door. He turned around and saw the bathroom door wide open, Akiri getting undressed while the tub filled with water.

He couldn't turn away from the sight. She turned the tap off and got into the bath, staring at the wall opposite her. Hidan sighed, standing up. He decided to do something useful and made the bed. After that, Akiri was still in the bath, so he tidied the room a little.

Akiri got out of the bath just as he sat back down on the chair. She looked at him and he could see some sort of sadness line her face, but it was faint, as if it never existed.

Several minutes (hours) later, Akiri was busy with her spells; and Hidan kept asking about the symbol and pointing to it in the book.

"Would you just-" She frose. "Oh shit." Hidan frose as well.

**This was a rather sad chapter to write. **

**To me, it made me realise what bitches friends can really be.**

**I didn't want to write it, but I had to, just so I can get to the super awesome part where-**

**Kisame: *covering mariXwic32's mouth* nothing!**

**Itachi: *sighs in relief* almost spilled the beans...**

**Deidara: yeah, its supposed to be a secret, uhn.**

**Konan and Pein: *nods***

**Kakuzu: just review and hope to heaven this bitch doesn't get the ducktape off before we get to THAT part...**

**Zetsu, Sasori and Hidan: *nods***

**Kakashi, Naruto and Sasuke: please?**

**Kabuto: I want a cookie...**

**Itachi: *freezes* how'd he get in?!**

**Kisame: we-**

**Zetsu: *slams ducktape on Kisame's mouth* nothing! Just review god dammit!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Willy Nilly...

**A/N: sorry I didn't update sooner, I was kind of busy having too much fun drinking, doing homework, on my pc and writing my other story, witch in naruto, which, by the way, you should check out. Skip the first chapter if you don't wanna be insulted.**

**Kisame: she's a bitch...**

**Me: what?**

**Kisame: *runs away***

**Anyway... Oh fuck, I got the ducktape off, didn't I? *grins* WHEEE!**

**Itachi: *ties mariXwic32 to a tree, stuffs cake in her mouth and sticks ducktape on.* just read and review.**

**Me: mmmrff!**

I can't quite remember where we were last time, but this is what happened after...

"Oh shit." Akiri grabbed Hidan and dragged his ass downstairs. Her eyes widened. Ichibi was humping Kakashi, Momo sat on Kisame, Zetsu and Tobi were making out... Just kidding... Zetsu and Deidara were making out...

"Hey, Kiri, come join us!" Ichibi mused. Akiri turned, grabbed Hidan and ran back upstairs.

An hour or less later.

Left...

Right...

Left...

Right...

Left...

Right...

Left... Dun dun dun

Right... Dun dun dun

Left... Dun dun dun

Right... Dun dun dun

"I have it!"

Hidan fell off his seat from Akiri's sudden outburst. "What?"

"No time to explain!" She grabbed Hidan and dragged him downstairs. "We're playing DARE!" She boasted.

Ichibi looked up. "Yay!"

"I wanna go first!"

"No, I called the game." Akiri said. Ichibi pouted. "Okay, I dare..." She looked around and her eyes landed on Sasuke. "Sasuke to kiss Ichibi on her lips."

"Wah?" Ichibi asked. Sasuke sighed, leaned over and kissed Ichibi. There was a quick silence. Akiri muttered something under her breath and she popped into Sasuke and Ichibi's heads.

_**Right, my spell backfired, so I need you guys to cooperate. Get all the guys to kiss someone other than the one they were trying to hump or were being humped, or kissed...**_

_**Huh?**_

_**Just get all the guys to kiss their true loves, I'll explain it in their heads when they snap out of it.**_

_**Okay...**_

And so the Kissing Dare game was invented... Nah, not really.

In the end, everyone was cured, Akiri was tired, Jashin and Date were massaging Akiri and fighting about it, Ichibi was humping Sasuke, Hades was trying to kill Sasuke, Kisame was asleep, Deidara and Zetsu were in the kitchen, arguing about nothing, Pein and Konan were missing, Momo was latched onto Naruto as usual, Itachi was dusting the coffee table repeatedly, Kakashi and Kakuzu were playing chess, Sasori was enjoying the outdoors, Hidan was sneakily creeping around in the house like a cat for no reason (probably mocking Momo, who hissed when she saw it), Kabuto was pretending to be dead, but failed miserably and Akuto and Luna had been kicked out. Nothing unusual there.

Well, except that almost everyone was kind of sad that Akiri kicked them out.

Akiri stood up. "What now?" Jashin asked.

"Hn." Akiri said. She dissapeared into the kitchen, Zetsu and Deidara got kicked out of the kitchen and the door was locked.

Hades stared at the door. "What do you think she's doing?" Hidan asked over Hades' shoulder.

"GYACK! When did you get there?!" Hades reered and tired to kill him.

"Guys?" Ichibi asked, rolling her eyes. She stuck her ear to the door and listened. A bottle opened, a glas got thunked on the table and something got poured in. "What the?" She peeked through the keyhole. Akiri was endulging herself in Jack Daniels. Ichibi's eyes widened and she turned back to everyone.

"What?"

"Whaddaya see?"

"Fucking tell us!"

"Shut up!" Ichibi squeaked and dashed for safety, which was her room. Momo took a peek, reared and then ran after Ichibi.

Hidan stared at the door. "What the fuck are they fucking getting so fucking worked up about?" He peeked through the hole. He saw exactly what the other two saw. "What's so fucking bad about that?" He asked.

"You'll see!" Ichibi yelled.

Not half an hour later. "FUCKING ASSHOLES! THAT'S WHAT THOSE TWO ARE!"

Hidan stared in shock at the door. Something crashed against the door and everyone flew to somewhere else but the walkway where Akiri was coming from. The door burst open and one pissed off Akiri with a tall glass filled to the top with Jack Daniels came swaying out. She walked to the coffee table and smashed her fist through it.

Itachi had to keep Kakuzu quiet while Akiri continued to smash everthing. She knocked Sasori's head off and continued to try and murder Hidan.

After an hour, Akiri had finally passed out, Kakuzu had calmed down and Hidan and Sasori were being repaired.

"I never knew that she gets violent..." Kisame said.

"Only when she gets her hands on Jack Daniels..." Ichibi sighed. Hades lifted his eyebrow, looking at her. She blushed red and bolted for her room.

"Well, at least we've taken care of any whiskey in the house." Momo said, walking in with Naruto on her heels. "She'll be fine if she sleeps... I hope..." Momo plonked herself on Naruto's lap, staring at Jashin.

The man looked at her with a confused expression. "What?"

"Get her to her room."

Jashin sighed, nodded to Dante and they both took turns to carry her upstairs. They reached Akiri's room, opened the door and lay her down on the bed. Dante panted, looking at Akiri. "No more whiskey for you..." He fell down on the bed next to her. "Hey, hah. Jashin. Hah. Wanna have. Hah. Some fun?"

"Sure. Hah."

The next day.

"Wonder what those two are up to..." Ichibi mused.

Momo lifted her shoulders. "Dunno-"

"_AAAAHHH!_"

"Oh..." Ichibi snickered and fell off her seat, laughing her ass off. Momo joined into the laughter.

A while later, there was silence. Akiri burst out of her room and ran to the livingroom, butt naked. Sasuke, Itachi, Kisame, Pein, Momo, Ichibi, Konan, Kakuzu, Sasori, Naruto, Deidara, Hidan, Kakashi, Zetsu, Kabuto and Hades all fell down, noses ableed. "Get yer hooters back in their sockets!" Momo shouted.

"Yeah! I'm losing blood here!" Hidan complained.

Akiri snorted, went into the kitchen and right to the pool. "Huh?" Zetsu questioned. Dante and Jashin sauntered down the steps casually, butt naked as well. Another massive nosebleed from everyone.

"For funny fuck sakes, don't you people know what 'put it away' means?" Ichibi exclaimed.

"Where did she go?" Dante asked.

"Pool?"

Jashin and Dante both grinned and ran after Akiri, their stiff penises flapping around.

Momo threw up, Ichibi fainted and Hades burst out laughing.

"PISS OFF!" Akiri came flying through the house, another quick shot of nosebleeds and she locked herself in her room. Jashin and Hidan ran after her, again with their stiff penises flapping around. Momo threw up again, Ichibi fianted again and Hades clutched at his sides.

Well, could this day get any better, I wonder?

**Akward...**

**Kisame: she got loose again?! No wonder this chapter was so... **

**Itachi: right.**

**Me: *running around like a loon* muahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!**

**All: capture that bitch!**

**Me: *muah!* love ya'll! Review and- OOF! *ran straight into a wall***

**All: we got her!**

**Kisame: *ties her up and stuffs old socks in her mouth* just review and hope that God keeps her in check.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Momo's new tablet and Ichibi's new android

**A/N: sorry it took me so looooong to update! I was outta ideas and I was kind of busy...**

***runs away* DONT KILL MEEEEE!**

**Kisame: *sighs* besides the fact that she's late on updating, here's chapter 4.**

**Deidara: just enjoy and review...**

**Hades: let's go get her back... She's probably all the way to the oriental plaza by now...**

**Konan: *sweatdrop* that girl can run when she's scared.**

***grinning***

**I'm not gone!**

**I'm just playing Dragon Magic!**

**Oh, I really need a few allies! Please, if you have Dragon Magic on your tablet or any touch screen device, add me as an ally! Here's my code: PE3IVX**

**Kisame: oh dear... She's forming an army of *whispers to konan***

**Konan: *nods* she's nuts.**

**Me: oi!**

**Deidara: run! She's coming!**

**Everyone on stage: *runs away***

**Itachi: *looks around, sighs* you heard what she said, add her as an ally on Dragon Magic and review on this story. I'm just going to leave the disclaimer to Ichibi.**

**Ichibi: yay! **

**Disclaimer by Ichibi with an apple: *munch* mariXwic32 *munch* does not own *munch* Naruto *munch* and I own *munch* this yummy *munch* apple! *SUPER MUNCH***

**Itachi: *sweatdrop* read and review, please...**

Cold.

Cold.

Cold!

COLD!

The temprature that day was at least below 0. Ichibi was cuddling so close to Sasuke that his face was turning blue. Akiri had already got a fire going in the livingroom's fireplace. She even got the heaters in the castle running. But still...

They were freezing their asses off.

Why?

I dunno. Let's find out.

Momo had an idea. "Why don't we close some of the windows?" She asked, shivering.

Akiri froze and turned to Momo. "COULDNT YOU HAVE SAID THAT SOONER! Oi! Everyone, get yer asses up and close all the windows!"

"Wii!"

Everyone flew up and ran around the castle.

After that, they sat in the living room again. About half an hour later, the warmth started to set in, and everyone was in the kitchen, eating.

This event happened about a month after Akuto and Luna were kicked out. During that time, round about the whole week after they left, Akiri was full on into the Jack Daniels, completely finished the tequila, downed the OBS and even jumped into the Captain Morgan!

The week after that, Momo had injured her leg and they took her to the vet. (Seriously?) It was Zetsu's idea, and he got scolded for it afterwards. But Momo got her leg fixed. Then Deidara, being the clutz that he is, fell down the stairs, rammed into Momo and broke her leg again. This time they took her to the hospital to see a doctor.

The week after that was grocery shopping. Akiri dragged Konan, Kakuzu and Momo along, which was a bad idea. When they returned, Hidan was busy with his rituals on the NEW carpet in the living room, Itachi was stuck to the ceiling from eating too much sweets, Tobi had destroyed Momo's room for toys, Ichibi was missing as well as Hades (wonder what they're up to...), Zetsu was trying to eat Sasori, Kabuto and Kakashi were hiding under the kitchen table, Kisame was attacking the pool for fish to put in a tank, Deidara was in the corner, being emo with Sasuke, Naruto was stuck to the wall with superglue, Jashin and Dante were missing, and the whole living room was decorated in bright green paint, thanks to Pein and Madara.

Needless to say, everything was cleaned up. Everyone got one moer of a spanking and Hidan, Pein and Madara got grounded.

So, the week after that, Akiri was out to buy something, taking no one with her.

In the middle of fucking February, Momo had decided to tan. When she came in, her skin was a deep shade of 'eina jou ma se moer, dis tyd vir asyn in die bad!'. Hidan laughed his ass off. Naruto helped Momo into a bath and added vinegar. Ouch.

When Akiri returned, nothing much had happened. Tobi was watching Barney, which Akiri turned off and put Scream 4 in.

Then, this weeks events:

Akiri found out what Ichibi and Hades were doing. Ichibi was red faced and Hades walked around proudly.

Yep. Hades fucked Ichibi. Or did he?

Nope, you guessed correctly my readers...

Anyway, getting back to the recent day. Momo was gulping down a whole pot of soup, Ichibi was stuffing her face with banana bread, Naruto sipped and took a small bite out of everything, just to make sure it doesn't have curry in and Akiri was making food.

So guess what Akiri made?

SAMOOSAS! Whoo!

Yeah.

Anyway, she decided it was a good idea for the weather. Considering the amount of food consumed that day, I guess you can say Akiri and the others bought enough for a month for all of them, which was good.

Now, on to the fun part.

After everyone had eaten, Akiri called Momo and Ichibi to the living room, her hands behind her back. "What are you hiding!" Momo squeaked. Akiri smiled.

"Well, since both your birthdays had already passed, I've decided to give you something. Momo, left or right?"

"Uh, right."

Akiri removed her right hand and held it to Momo, the other to Ichibi. "Happy birthday."

Both the two wierdo's jaws clattered to the floor. Akiri held a samsung galaxy tablet and a samsung galaxy s5 to the two. They took their presents with caution, but nothing happened. They both attacked Akiri and thanked her, afterwhich they plonked themselves down on the couch and started causing kak on the devices.

Momo chose the tablet. Ichibi got the phone. Hidan burst out with curses. "Why the fuck do they fucking get fucking birthday fucking presents and not fucking mee!"

"Because you're grounded."

"What?!"

"You heard me." Akiri sat down on the couch and flicked through the tv channels.

Itachi sighed. _**She's turning into a mother-like figure.**_ He thought.

Kisame ran into the living room, eyes wide. "T-t-t-h-h-e-e-r-r-e-e-s-s..."

"What?" Akiri asked.

"There's a huge dragon outside, wants to see you." He pointed to Akiri. She sighed, got up, grabbed Kisame by the ear and went outside.

She looked up. "Ah, Fafnir."

"Akiri," the dragon nodded. "I have news from the mother."

"What news?" Akiri asked.

Fafnir sighed. "You won't like it..."

Akiri stood there, a grin spreading across her face. "Well then..." She said, looking up at Fafnir. "Let's have us another battle, shall we?"

The two burst out in laughter. The poor fish couldn't understand what was so funny about pirates coming to this world for war.

"Hey, fish, your brother is coming as well!"

Kisame sweatdropped. "I don't have a brother."

Akiri continued lauging, greeted Fafnir and went inside, gripping her sides. Momo eyed the woman and Ichibi simply kapped a Sasuke. "What's so funny?" She asked.

"Pirates coming to this world!" Akiri screeched in laughter, toppling over. Once on the floor, she started rolling around.

"What pirates?" Ichibi asked, curious.

Akiri stood up and whispered in Ichibi's ear. Ichibi's eyes widened, her mouth formed an o and then she started rolling on the floor with Akiri. Momo was confused. "What the hell?!"

Whisper, whisper, whisper.

"Oh."

The three were rolling on the floor laughing their asses off.

After that, Momo and Ichibi returned to their tablets. Akiri plonked down on the other couch, flicking through the channels.

**Muaahahahahahaha! I gave you a hint of the future!**

**Anyway, if you know what I'm talking about, then you're one gelukkige bliksem!**

**Anyase, there's more to come, my evil scemes will never end!**

**Muahahahaha!**

**I'm so evil!**

**Kisame: capture herr!**

**Itachi: you do it.**

**Kisame: but...**

**Itachi: *glares at kisame and turns to readers with sharingan activated* review.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Que?

**ARIGATO MOMO (MONIQUE COETZER [forgot how to spell the surname... Coetser?]) FOR REVIEWING!**

**Now, I'm pondering...**

**I'll tell you wha' I'm pondering after the chapter.**

**Enjoy, read and REVIEW!**

Well, after Akiri's chat with Fafnir the dragon, rolling on the floor and clicking though channels, we find our friends a day later, enjoying the sun outside, in the pool.

"Hah! This is so nice!" Momo squeaked.

Ichibi turned to Akiri. "This reminds me of the weather in the *whisper* in *whisper*."

"Oi!" Kisame grumbled. "What'r ye whisperin' about, bitches?"

"Nothing!" Ichibi dived into the pool and smacked dab into the pool's floor. She resurfaced a few seconds later, gripping her forehead. "OWIE!"

Hades and Sasuke were on the murder scene... Yeah... They juped into the pool and kicked each other to get to Ichibi, who saw this, giggled and swam for her life to find safety.

It started to rain. Akiri sighed looking up. "Yep, definitely like that place." She muttered and stood up. "Oi, everyone inside before you catch a cold, and I aint taking anyone to the vet or doctor." She went inside, up to her room and fell down on the bed, sighing to herself. She stared up at the ceiling of the four poster bed.

BAM!

"Great." Akiri stood up and went to check what the commotion was, only to see seven people standing/ laying in the living room.

"Ouch! That hurt!"

"Where are we?"

"**Is that edible?**" Zetsu asked, pointing at a small plush-looking reindeer.

Akiri sighed and clapped her hands together. "I'm fine with this, as long as they fuckingwell clean up!" She roared and a huge wind swept through the castle. After that, everything was neat and tidy.

A guy with a straw hat stared at her and his jaw clattered to the floor. Then, a thin blonde ouke pushed him out of the way and latched himself to the witch's leg. Akiri glared down at him and removed her steel baseball bat. "Obviously you haven't learned your place yet!" KLONK. (Is there anything in his head?) "Right, Sanji?" Akiri asked, kicking him off. She turned and looked at the group. "Luffy,"

"Neh?" The guy with the straw hat looked up.

"There's meat in the kitchen." Akiri said.

"Bowaah!" PEW. And away was Luffy to the kitchen.

Akiri grinned. "Zoro and Ace." She pointed to the one with green hair and three swords and another without a shirt. "Zoro, Zooro, Zuro, Zoro." She played with the name. "I don't like your name." She mused, grinning.

Momo and Ichibi burst out laughing. "Kinda reminds you of that other asshole, Z-O-R-R-O, neh!" Ichibi quacked. Akiri burst out laughing.

"Yep. Oi, Nami."

The girl with orange hair turned to Akiri. "Y-yes?"

"Hitch a date with Kakuzu!" Akiri cackled, pointing at Kakuzu. Hidan burst out laughing, joining everyone else.

"What the?" Nami looked at Kakuzu and freaked out. "WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!"

The reindeer started running but was caught by Ichibi. She presently squashed him to death and rubbed her cheek on his head. "Awww! He's so cute!" Kissie, kissie, kissie!

Akiri grinned. "Dante, Jashin, grab those two and take them to my room. Kakuzu, Nami goes with you to the vault, and this guy..." She turned to the guy with a long nose that looks as if its something that shouldn't be there. "Usopp can stay in the living room, and Sanji," she kicked the blonde. "Gets to work in the kitchen!"

Ichibi squeaked. "YAY!"

"Yeah." Akiri grinned and went to her room. "Konan, get Sanji up and get him busy with cooking."

"Hai!" Konan dragged Sanji's ass to the kitchen. Momo and Ichibi were busy attacking poor Chopper (the plush reindeer thingy).

"Its soo CUTE!"

"Its mine!"

"No mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"If you two don't shut up now, I'm going to get Hades to rape you, Ichibi." Akiri roared. Ichibi gulped and Momo laughed. "And I'll take Naruto away!" Momo gulped.

Silence.

Okay, up in Akiri's room. Jashin and Dante, the two gays of our story sat on each other's lap while Ace and Zoro (without his swords) were being eyed by Akiri. Zoro snapped his head up. "Oi, oi, oi! Could you stop glaring at us-" WHAM! "Oof!" Zoro flew across the room, Akiri's foot hung in the air.

"I just don't know what to do with you two. After all, you are my favorite characters from One Piece." Akiri sighed, wiping a strand of hair from her face. Zoro sat up, staring at her.

"Were not character-"

"Oh yes you are." Dante said, grinning.

Ace seemed to throw a tantrum. Akiri's eye twitched. "Geez, you're way more annoying in real life." She kicked him. Ace rolled over and stared up at her. She leaned down. "Now, if you don't wanna die, go get Luffy out of my kitchen, and make sure the kitchen is clean."

Eyes wide, Ace stood up and scrambled out of the room.

"Oh, and one other thing... If Sanji isn't cooking, tell him I want dinner done in half an hour before I slice his head off."

Zoro stood up. "Oi, you can't do that!"

Akiri walked over to him and grinned. "I can. I'm a witch after all, and the guardian of this house. And at the moment, you guys are intruders. So best get yer asses in gear to be guests." Akiri turned around. "Jashin, I'm going to shower, keep an eye on him."

The god grinned, but Zoro, no, the whole pirate gang didn't know Jashin was a god yet. Akiri dissapeared into the bathroom.

Zoro turned to the two guys and stared at them. Dante, being amazingly witty, decided it was the right time to kiss Jashin. The swordsman's jaw dropped and he started panicking. "GYAAH! WHAT THE HELL?!"

Dante pulled away. "What? Is it illegal to be gay?" He asked. Zoro fainted. Jashin burst out laughing.

Meanwhile down in the kitchen, Luffy was knocked out, mouth still full of food. "Oh, and she said that you have to start cooking and finish the food in half an hour before she slices your head off." Ace said to Sanji.

"What?!" The cook flew into action and started vigurously whipping stir fry. Ace dragged Luffy to the living room where Usopp was chatting with Momo casually and Chopper was being squished to death by Ichibi. The poor reideer's eyes were popping out.

Kisame walked into the room and looked around. "Did I miss something?"

"Oh hey fisheh, yep, you did." Momo said.

"Whah?!" Usopp dived behind the couch. "Its a merman! Hide!"

"Eh?" Kisame grabbed the long-nosed liar by his shirt. "Oi, Akiri! Are these the guys that dragon was talking about?" He yelled.

"Yes." Akiri said, standing at the top of the stairs, holding Zoro by his ear. She walked down. "Its a pity your brother didn't come, neh, Kisame." Akiri mocked.

"I don't have a brother!" Kisame jacked.

"Oh really..." Akiri laughed and let go of Zoro's ear. He was unconcious.

Usopp was put down and he poked Zoro. "What happened to him."

Then, our lovely gay couple waltzed down the stairs. "He probably never saw two guys kissing." Dante said, poking Zoro on the forehead.

"Meh, they're pirates." Jashin mused, pulling Dante down onto the couch to sit.

Momo puked and Ichibi started whining. "You guys are wierd!" Momo squeaked. Jashin turned to the cat.

"You're even wierder, kitty." He said.

"Geez..." Momo grumbled. "Two fully grown men kissing each other and not even one is acting gay..."

Akiri burst out laughing. "Acting is standing up naked and turning around slowly." She said.

Sanji burst into the living room. "Food is done!" He squeaked.

"How much did you make?" Akiri asked, her eyes narrowing. "I hope you made enough for an army, because this house is occupied with twenty one people plus you seven which make it twenty eight. And some of them eat more than normal." Akiri said.

"She means Luffy and Naruto." Momo said.

"Yes, them."

Sanji fainted. Akiri stood up and kicked him back into the kitchen.

"Get back to work!" She yelled and sat back down, sighing. "Honestly, can't he count?"

Zoro woke up. "Eh? How'd I get down here?" He looked around, saw the two men and jumped onto Akiri's lap, screaming. Momo laughed and turned back to her tablet.

"Oohh! What's that?!" Usopp asked.

"Mine!" Momo jumped up and ran to her room, locking the door. Ichibi stopped her squashing of Chopper and looked around. She too went on her birthday present.

"What's that?!" Usopp squeaked.

"Mineee!" Ichibi grabbed Chopper, froze, dropped Chopper and ran to her room, locking the door. Akiri burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Usopp asked.

No response, Akiri continued to laugh. "That, my friend," she said after she calmed down. "Is a tablet and a phone, or, more commonly known as a computer device that you can call people on."

"..."

"Never mind. Oi, get off me." Akiri kicked Zoro off and he landed on the floor.

Three seconds later to be exact, Nami burst out from nowhere screaming, Kakuzu behind her, pissed off and flailing his wierd tentacle things about.

Akiri sighed. "What did she do?" She asked.

"She knocked over a pile of money!" Kakuzu screeched and sent a tentacle thingy at Nami.

"Hold it." Akiri stood up. "Just let her restack it." She said. "Besides, its not like we're in dire need to count it."

Kakuzu stopped his assault and dissapeared. Zoro was freaked out. "What the hell was that?!" He was on his feet, pointing in the direction Kakuzu dissapeared.

Akiri turned to him. "That was a very pissed off, S-rank criminal with five hearts, commonly known as Kakuzu." She said. "As a matter of fact, there are eleven of them here."

Slowly, Zoro turned around. "Which ones?" He asked.

"Itachi, over there, has the sharingan, eyes that can send a person into immense pain. That's Kisame, a half-shark. I'd rather call him a fish." Kisame scrunched up his face. "That guy there is Sasori, he's made of wood. He makes puppets and uses them to fight. That blonde guy there is Deidara, he blows things up and calls it art. Also has some wierd mouths on his hands."

Zoro looked at the bomber, confused. Deidara showed him his hands and the swordsman jumped in complete horror. Akiri laughed.

"That's Zetsu," she pointed to the venus fly trap. "He's a plant and has a split personality. He's also a canibal."

"Whee!" Tobi flew through the livingroom, obviously having had too much sweets.

"And that's Tobi... A hyperactive asshole." Akiri sighed. "Moving on... That guy there is Madara, he also has eyes like Itachi. Then there's Konan, she can control paper to kill people. That guy with lots of piercings is Pein, the leader of their group, but Madara is actually." And then she turned to Hidan, who was missing. "Right, follow me and I'll show you the last one."

Zoro followed cautiously. Akiri led him to a door and she opened it. Zoro stared wide eyed at the bloody scene in front of him. A guy was in the middle of the bathroom, a spike through his chest, lying in a pool of blood in a circle.

"Hey, Hidan, you better clean this up." Akiri said, scrunching up her face in disgust.

Hidan lifted his head and Zoro almost died of heart failure. "I'm busy! Fuck off!"

"Look, either you quit this Jashin thing and come eat, or I give all your food and leftovers to Zetsu." Akiri said. "Besides, Jashin told me he doesn't like you anymore."

"WHAT?!" Hidan's eyes opened wide. "THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE! I'LL FUCKING KILL HIM!" He stormed out, spike still through his heard.

Akiri laughed. "How are you going to kill him? He's a god after all. Dumbass."

Zoro almost fainted again. "A god?!"

"Yep. There's Jashin and Hades."

And then he fainted. Poor fuck. Probably too much for his brain. Gods, criminals, mad people, witches... What next? Magical creatures?!

Yep.

Akiri decided to let Sanji work harder. "Oi, Sanji!" She stepped into the kitchen. "We're having guests over toninght. I want a lot of meat, a whole lot of bread loaves and salads."

The poor guy stared at her, a pot of stirfry already going.

"Well? Hop to it, otherwise you'll wish you had a vagina instead of a cock." Akiri mused.

Sanji was off in a flash, working at top speed.

"Oh, the party is going to be outside. Just get some meat, make the loaves and the salad."

Okay, that's one less thing. But what meat?! Luffy ate it all... Mayble. "Uh, there's no meat in the-"

"Kisame! Itachi! Get your asses here! You're going hunting in the forest!" Akiri yelled. Sanji stared at her, wide eyed. Kisame and Itachi was there in a flash.

"Why do we have to go?" Kisame whined.

Akiri sat down at the table. "One, because you have to keep a watch on this guy, two because he could escape, three because I'll pommel you both if you don't!"

Two seconds. It took them two seconds to grab Sanji and high-tail it to the forest to find game.

Momo entered the kitchen. "Geez, you don't have to push them so hard..."

"Well what do you expect? Some of our friends are coming over and I want to test Sanji's cooking." Akiri said and stood up, walked over to the stir fry pot and took a bite. After a few moments of pondering. "Needs more salt." She said.

"Jho." Momo turned back to her tablet. "So when will they be here?"

"Round about eight."

"Okay, better get ready then. Another celtic party, I presume?"

Akiri smiled. "As always."

"Yep, that's Akiri for you." Momo trudged to her room. Akiri walked out of the kitchen.

"Celtic party, eight o'clock. Get ready!" She shouted, grabbed the passed out Zoro and went to her room.

There she stepped on Zoro's head to wake him up. "Ow! What the hell was that for?!"

"Wake up, some of my friends are coming over." Akiri said, throwing a pile of clothing at his face. "Get dressed." And then she dissapeared into the bathroom.

Zoro looked down at the clothing, sighed and got dressed, unaware of the preying eyes that lingered in the doorway.

Dante and Jashin walked downstairs, wide grins plastered on their faces. Momo noticed this. "What's with the smiles, gentlemen?"

"Yummy." Dante said. Jashin nodded. Momo understood and fell off the couch.

"Oh no! No! NO!" She squeaked.

"What?" Usopp asked.

Momo stared wide eyed at the two men. "They're going to *whispers in Usopp's ear*." Usopp's eyes widened and he ran around the house.

Jashin and Dante still had those grins plastered on their faces. They looked like they wanted to rape someone, and I think you get the idea of who...

But enough of that. The time was 7:30. Sanji, Kisame and Itachi had successfully returned with plenty of meat, Sanji had finished with the loaves of bread and the salad and was now lying on the floor, exhausted.

Akiri walked down the stairs in her usual celtic dress with Momo, Konan and Ichibi behind her, all wearing dresses. "Everyone, get dressed, they're coming." Akiri said. Momo and Ichibi grabbed the pirates and dragged them to get dressed, even poor Nami.

Half an hour later, they were done and everyone was in the courtyard, a huge bonfire had been lit and a few boars roasted on it. The guests started to arrive.

Zoro freaked out. Of course he had never seen a unicorn or a centaur before in his life.

Tobi was yet again trampled to death by unicorns, this time because he wanted to play house with them. Asshole.

Besides a few casualties, the night went by fine. Everyone was eating, everyone was drinking and having a jolly good time, except for the pirates. Well, Luffy was enjoying himself... Dumbass.

Ace tried to run away from the centaurs when they asked him questions and ran straight and solid into the wall. He passed out.

Zoro clung to Akiri like a frigging monkey. Usopp was enjoying himself by singing songs. Sanji was hit over the head several times by the Dryads and Nymphs. I think you know why.

Nami hid under the table until a handsome elf asked her to dance. And not a small elf, a big elf.

Chopper was still being crushed to death by Ichibi. (Dammit, I feel so sorry for him...)

And the night was fine!

What would happen in the morning is a huge mystery to us all...

**Okay, so I fucked up on this chapter.**

**I know I did!**

**I wanted to leave it till later, but I couldn't!**

**Dammit!**

**Kisame: she's going nuts again, grab her!**

**Itachi: get hidan to do it.**

**Kisame: *eyes twitching* fucking uchihas...**

**Tobi: tobi is a good boy! And review for mariXwic32-chan! Puweases! And tobi is a good boy!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Great. Just GREAT!

**Okay, I had one helluva brainstorm today.**

**Andihavesugarrush!**

**Whoooo!**

**Kisame: oh god...**

**Itachi: you get her**

**Hidan: last time I did that I was almost killed...**

**Itachi: bastards**

**Kisame: *eyes twitching* you're getting on my nerves! *creeps itachi out***

**Tobi: *pops outta nowhere* read and review! And tobi is a good boy!**

Hangovers for South Africa! Hangovers for South Africa! One dollar! One dollar! 300000 beli!

Yep.

Heads screaming, everyone entered the kitchen slowly. And then Itachi decided he wanted to sit down on Kisame's lap. Okay its not what you think! He didn't know the fish was there. Kisame shoved him off, causing the table to move sideways and crash into Nami, who dived out of the way into Usopp, who then tumbled over, throwing his coffee diagonally onto Ace's head. Ace then screamed in pain and ran around the kitchen until he tripped over a collapsed Momo who had fallen down on the floor. Once Ace tripped, he fell flat on his face, his one leg twirling around. That hit Hidan in the nuts. Hidan clutched his testacles and stumbled around the room, knocking Kakashi into Naruto, who was making himself coffee, who then slam dunked into the kitchen counter. Hidan also ran Deidara over, who then rolled Tobi and Madara over, then they hit Zetsu, who kicked Konan by accident, causing Pein to get pissed off and bliksem him.

Akiri walked into the kitchen, saw the mess, turned around and walked back out, obviously not in the mood for that rabble. She sighed and sat down. Ichibi fell and tumbled down the stairs, Sasuke and Chopper behind her.

"Ow! Oo! Ee!"

"Shut up." Akiri grumbled, clicking the TV on. Zoro trudged in from somewhere unknown and fell down on the couch.

Ichibi sat up. "My head hurts..."

"That's because you dove into the wine. Dumbass." Akiri muttered, still flicking through the channels. "Which reminds me..."

"Oh no you don't!" Ichibi screeched and knocked Akiri down before she could get her hands on the rum.

"Dammit." Akiri muttered and sat back down on the couch. Ichibi sighed in relief.

Zoro had a questioning look on his face. "She gets violent when she drinks anything but wine and beer." Ichibi said.

"Oh." He looked at the woman. Huge boobs. His eyes widened. Ichibi burst out laughing.

"You only notice that now?! She's been flailing her hooters around the whole time!" Ichibi screeched.

Zoro and Akiri clutched their ears. "Shut up!" They hissed in unison. Dante and Jashin came downstairs, butt naked. One held a belt and the other was running for his life, screaming like a girl. My god. What were they up to?

Ichibi's nose burst with blood and Zoro dived into Akiri's boobs. "Get back here! I didn't even finish yet!" Dante yelled.

"You'll have to catch me first!" Jashin squeaked.

Akiri sighed. "Oh dear god." She facepalmed. "Zoro, watch your back. Those two are nuts."

"Infdeedf." Ichibi said, cottonwool stuck up her nose to stop the bleeding.

Back in the kitchen, Sanji woke up in a barrel, and he couldn't get out. They had to get Kisame to break the barrel. Luffy woke up a whole while later and walked into the castle. He fell asleep, stuck in a tree when an ogre tried to play darts with him.

What is this world coming to?!

Oh wait, that's not even half of our problems.

Putting the waking up bit aside, everyone was fine in a matter of three hours and Sanji was cooking breakfast, Zoro was outside training with Akiri (more like sparring and losing), Nami was stuck helping Kakuzu count money, Ace and Luffy were scrubbing the floors, an unwilling Chopper was being forced to bath by Ichibi and Usopp was washing the windows of the castle.

The rest of the gang were quite as boring. Kisame was lounging in the Kitchen, mocking Sanji, Itachi was playing chess against Kakashi, Hidan was missing (as usual), Konan and Pein were watching Telletubbies because Tobi wanted to watch it (sigh), Naruto and Sasuke were having a glaring contest for no reason, Momo ate chocolate, Deidara and Sasori were arguing about art, Hades and Zetsu were drinking coffee and Dante and Jashin were missing. (Dear LORD help us...)

So yeah. That's what our group of madmen were doing.

It soon turned dark and everyone was outside, watching Akiri and Zoro's sparring. Akiri was kicking Zoro's ass pretty hard by the looks of things, and she didn't even get a scratch. The bitch isn't even panting! And I mean, Zoro used all his special sword techniques on her!

But of course... Akiri is a master at almost everything except Afrikaans, Maths and getting cakes right. Dammit!

Anyway, Zoro lunged at Akiri, who grinned and swiped her huge great-sword up, knocking Zoro's katanas away. She pointed the tip of her blade at his throat. "Submit yet?" She questioned.

Luffy's jaw clattered to the floor when Zoro raised his hands. Momo, Ichibi and all the Akatsuki cheered for Akiri. "Never even broke a sweat!" Ichibi commented.

"That's Akiri for you! A very powerful witch!" Momo cheered.

Akiri smiled at them and turned to Zoro who had dropped to his hands and knees. She knelt down. "Look at it this way," she lifted his chin up. "I'm the guardian of this castle, and I protect anything with pride. When you beat me, then you can call yourself a warrior."

Dante burst out laughing. Akiri then grinned, lifted Zoro's chin a little and planted a kiss on his lips. The whole pirate gang's jaws clattered in a downward position while everyone else either sighed, rolled their eyes or cheered.

Zoro's eyes widened. Akiri pulled away, straightened herself and walked away, leaving Zoro flabberghasted. Luffy ran to Zoro. "Oi, Zoro! What was that?! What did she do?!"

The swordsman said nothing, eyes still wide. Sanji stormed over to him and lifted his foor. "You bloody-" FWOOM. Sanji flew into the kitchen. Luffy's eyes widened. Zoro had done nothing.

Akiri laughed from the doorway and went inside. Dante and Jashin, clever as they were, burst out laughing. Momo looked confused. "What the hell?"

"She put a protection spell on the guy!" Jashin yelled, laughing his ass off.

Sanji, having finally stood up walked out. "What the hell is that."

Dante grabbed Sanji's hand. (Oh dear lord, if you're up there, please make this stop!) "It means, asshole, that no one can harm him while she's alive." (STOP! too late.) Dante planted a nice kissie on Sanji-kun's cheek and ran inside, Jashin chasing him.

Sanji, on the other hand, freaked out and ran like a chicken around the pool.

Momo's mouth hung open. Ichibi poked her in the ribs. "I told you they're gonna suffer. The guys will have to watch themselves..."

"I'm glad the others got used to that. I mean," Momo looked around. "Hidan and Kisame are gay too." She whispered. Ichibi's eyes widened.

"No way!"

"Yes way."

"What now?" Deidara asked. Momo and Ichibi burst into seizures of giggling fits. Oh they're so gonna have fun with the gay ones...

Anyway, the next day.

Ichibi and Momo were going around asking questions to people about people that Momo and Ichibi think the people like.

Confusing eh?

Yeah well, that was what they were doing. They left Jashin and Dante alone, because they knew that they already admitted their little... Problem.

Leaving the two troublemakers to their expadition, Akiri was on the couch, watching TV. Momo and Ichibi waltzed downstairs, grinning. "Hey, can we go to the mall tomorrow?" Momo asked Akiri.

"Or the flea-market?" Ichibi asked.

"No."

"PLEASE!" They chirped.

Akiri sighed. "Fine."

"Yay!"

"Everyone better be awake at six." Akiri said. "Or I'm leaving without them."

And so the next day, everyone was up and in the new car that Akiri had bought. Guess what it was?

One that can hold lots of people of course! A bus! Not one of the new busses tho. An old fashioned folkswagen hippie van.

And so they set off.

Unfortunately, Akiri forgot to count heads. Zoro was still asleep in his room and Dante and Jashin had just woken up.

...

Do you think I should continue? To tell you what happened?

**Review and wait for chapter 7!**

**I'm a bitch. He he he.**

**Kisame: *runs away* I so don't want to know what happens next!**

**All the akatsuki: *runs away, terrified.***

**Straw hat pirates: huh?**

**Me: muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha**

**!**

**Reviews bitches!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: ?

**Where did we end up last time again?**

**Kisame: *whispers***

**Me: oh... *grins* *starts giggling* *bursts into fits of laughter* *can't stop laughing***

**Kisame: god help us *facepalm***

**Itachi: just review, don't enjoy, just review so we can get this chapter over and done with...**

**Kisame: hn**

**Itachi: *stares at kisame* don't you dare use uchiha on me**

**Kisame: *grins* hn**

**Tobi: just review... Tobi is getting scared...**

Okay... Last time, the friends went to the mall and forgot Zoro, Dante and Jashin at the castle.

So, at the castle, Dante waddled downstairs in an abnormal fashion, all the way to the kitchen. Jashin followed after him.

Zoro woke up after smelling coffee and went to get some himself. When he got to the top of the stairs he heard laughter coming from the kitchen and wondered who it was. He found out a mere three seconds after Jashin slapped Dante's ass. Panick stricken and worried about what was to happen to him, he dashed to Akiri's room and checked the time.

They had left without him. Eyes widened, Zoro dived under the bed as he heard the two love doves walking up the stairs in full volume. He begged to all but Satan that they didn't find him.

Well, his plan didn't work. They sniffed him out and dragged his ass out from under Akiri's bed, knocked him out and that's about all he could remember, except for waking up with one hell of a pain in his anus and him being butt naked, chained to the bed.

After Zoro woke up, Akiri and the rest of the gang arrived, loud as ever. Akiri had a headache, Kakuzu was tied up, Momo clung onto a shoe box and Kisame was grinning like an idiot because he got another fish.

Jashin and Dante waltzed downstairs, laughing their asses off. Akiri saw this and grabbed them by their belts (they don't have shirts on). "So what exactly is so funny, boys?" She questioned, looking from one to the other.

Three seconds later, Zoro's scream was heard all through the castle. Akiri sighed, Momo facepalmed and Ichibi just threw up in the pot plant which turned out to be Zetsu. "You guys are DISGUSTING!" Ichibi yelled, wiping the vomit off her chin.

The two in question were dropped to the floor, giggling like bitches. Akiri walked upstairs and opened her door. She saw Zoro chained to her bed and sighed. "I told you to wake up before six."

"Well I can't help that I was still sleeping!" Zoro squeaked, thrashing around like a worm. He stopped when he realized that it was no use. "Help?" He asked Akiri, who sighed and went over to help him.

Afterwards, Akiri emerged with Zoro clinging to her leg. She turned to Jashin and Dante and glared at them. "Grounded." She said and sat down on the couch, Zoro clambered onto her lap immediately. Akiri flicked through the channels.

Dante and Jashin stared at her, their mouths agape. Momo and Ichibi high-fived and plopped down on the floor by the sofa.

"Sanji, lunch, now." Akiri said. Sanji bowed and dissapeared into the kitchen, shouting about what they wanted. "Sandwiches." Akiri responed and continued to flick through channels. She sighed and kicked Ichibi.

"Ow... What?" Ichibi grumbled.

"Get a movie." Akiri said.

Tobi bounced up and down. "YAY! MOVIE TIME!" And then he started singing the Telletubbies theme. Akiri kicked him in the head and he shut up. Ichibi scanned through the movies and picked one.

"What is it?" Akiri asked, scooting to the armrest of the couch, letting Zoro lay on her chest.

"Gabriel." Ichibi said.

Akiri sighed. "Really? Put Pitch Black in."

Ichibi gulped. "C-can't we watch something without c-creepy, s-scary d-demons in?"

A shoe flew right past Ichibi's head. "Put Your Highness in then." Akiri said. Ichibi, eyes wide, got the movie and put it in the DVD machine. She then scooted back to where she sat before Akiri kicked her.

The movie began. Halfway into the movie, Akiri was roaring with laughter while everyone else wore faces that showed the movie was rather awkward. "**Lazar! Get ready to be fist-fucked by two brothers!**"

Well, after the movie, Sanji was sent back into the kitchen to start on dinner. Ichibi had been puking all through the movie, so poor Zetsu was covered in vomit. He was sent upstairs to clean himself after Akiri could smell the stench.

Momo yawned and passed out where she sat. Usopp had to carry her upstairs, because Naruto was busy glaring at Sasuke. After Ichibi had brushed her teeth, poor Chopper was being squashed to death again. Zoro had calmed down and was busy drawing circles on Akiri's stomach.

Only after seven did Sanji emerge from the kitchen. "Dinner is ready, Akiwi-chan, Momo-chwan, Chibi-chan, Nwami-chan, Konan-swan! And the rest of you idiots." Everyone got up from where they were and sauntered to the kitchen, except Akiri and Zoro.

"Sanji, bring our food." Akiri said. Zoro looked at her, wondering why in the world they're not going to the kitchen.

Sanji was confused too. "Why?"

"I'm not in the mood to get up." Akiri said, shrugging.

"Oh, okay." Sanji dissapeared and then reappeared with a plate of food. Akiri stared at him.

"And Zoro's?" She questioned.

"Eh..."

"Get it." Akiri said.

"Right!" Sanji dissapeared again.

Momo bounced out of the kitchen in a roll-over motion, screaming her lungs out. Akiri's eye twitched. "What now?"

Her eyes wide, Momo started screaming her head off. "THERE'S SOMEONE OR SOMETHING OUTSIDE!"

Akiri sighed, stood up, Zoro fell on the floor, then tagged behind Akiri as she went outside. In the middle of the courtyard stood a young, male elf. Akiri's eyes widened at the mark on his neck, she summoned a sword and pointed it at the elf. "State your name, blood elf."

**LOL**

**Please review, I just wanted to add the movie bit! Lol hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.**

**Now review or you shall be fistfucked by Kakuzu's tentacles and then raped by Jashin and Dante in your sleep.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: of blood and murder.

**A/N: GOMENASAI!**

**I've been busy, writing other fanfics and having no fucking idea of what the hell to write. So I bring you chapter 8 armed with super strong armor and a sword.**

**:P. Any way, getting to why the hell the chapters are so short...**

**I AINT GOT A CLUE!**

**Anyway, getting to my other fanfics, first, Amazon Hunter, which I dunno if I want to continue. Then there's my newest one Time-Travel Mage!**

**Its a TorikoXNaruto crossover.**

**Please! If you can, read it, review and please skip chapter 6 or 7 if you don't wanna puke.**

**Anyway, enjoy this chapter and...**

**DON'TKILLME!**

Akiri glared at the elf. "State your name, Blood elf." She snarled.

The elf stared wide eyed at her, then at the sword that was pointed at him. "Who's that?" Sanji asked.

Kisame sighed and went back inside. Momo popped her head out from behind Zetsu and Ichibi squashed Chopper. "Speak, or I'll force it out of you." Akiri said.

"I'll help." Kakuzu said, hands in the air.

"Shut up!" Akiri yelled, turning back to the elf.

The elf sighed. "Fir'nin." He said.

"What is your purpose here?" Akiri questioned.

"Whoot! Who's the hottie?" Dante hollered with Jashin behind him, both with only pants on at that.

Hades sighed and dragged the two inside. "**Fucking idiots.**"

Fir'nin, the elf, stared wide eyed at the group of people in front of him. Akiri sighed, lowered her sword and went inside. "I give up." She said. Zoro followed after her.

"Wait!" Fir'nin called.

"What?" Akiri turned around.

Momo piped up. "Eh, just to let you know, I found him here asleep!" She squeaked and dove into the house.

"Oh?" Akiri raised her eyebrow, looking at the elf.

He nodded. "I don't know how..."

"Well I do." Akiri said. "Blue swirling portal?" She asked.

Fir'nin nodded.

"Well that explains that. Unfortunately, you'll have to leave." Akiri said.

"Why?" Sanji asked.

Akiri pointed to the elf. "He's a blood mage." She stated.

Everyone looked at Fir'nin. He held up his hands in protest, but Akiri cut him off by snarling. "W-wait!" He screeched.

"What? Talk fast." Akiri said.

"I'mnotthatadvancedintobloodmagic!" Fir'nin yelled.

"Eh?"

"Huh?"

"Wha?"

"..."

Everyone stared at him. "What the fuck did you fucking just say?" Hidan asked. Akiri whacked his head.

Fir'nin sighed. "I'm not that advanced in blood magic." He said.

"Yeah fucking right, and I'm supposed to believe you?" Akiri questioned.

"Check me then?"

Akiri sighed, not letting her guard down and walked over to him. Fir'nin flinched when she raised her hand. She grabbed his wrist and threw him over her shoulder.

Fir'nin yelped and crashed into Sanji. "I believe you." Akiri said. Sanji sat up.

"Did it have to be me who gets hit?" The cook asked.

Luffy burst out laughing. Akiri sighed and went inside, Zoro continuously clinging to her waist.

Dante, having returned outside, helped Fir'nin up and slapped his butt. The elf yelped and ran inside at top speed, also clinging to Akiri for dear life. Akiri rolled her eyes. "Seriously?"

The next day, to be exact, a whole week later, we find our heroes in the living room. Momo watched in horror as Akiri viciously strangled Zoro and Ichibi at the same time. "WHERE IS MY FUCKING BUISCUT?!" She yelled.

"Ggggrrrrffflll-!"

"I don't think they can breathe..." Fir'nin said. Akiri released the two, both purple in their faces from loss of blood.

"We didn't eat your cookie!" Ichibi screeched loudly after regaining her composure.

"Then who did? The evidence is on you." Kisame said, pointing at the crumbs on their shirts. "Who was it then?"

The two lifted their shoulders. "I had a sandwich this morning, courtesy of Sanji." Ichibi said.

"I didn't even have anything, courtesy of Sanji." Zoro said.

Akiri turned to said cook. "Is this true?" She questioned.

Sanji nodded. "Unless someone is sneaky enough to eat the cookie and put the crumbs on these two, we never know." He said.

Everyone turned to Fir'nin in that instant, who flinched instantly and sank deep into the chair. Akiri cracked her knuckles and her neck. "Did you eat my cookie?" She questioned, glaring daggers and death at the elf. His pointed ears turned bright red at the tips and he shook his head. "Are you sure?" Akiri grinned, murderously.

Fir'nin jumped up and started screaming, running around like a loon. "Okayokayididit! Iatethecookie!" He screamed.

"Eh?"

"Huh?"

Akiri sighed. "Okay, so you ate the cookie?" She asked. The elf nodded. "That clears things up. Sanji, I want another cookie." She said.

Ichibi and Zoro faceplanted, Fir'nin froze and stared at Akiri in disbelief and Sanji sighed. "So why did we get choked half to death and pointy ears didn't?!" Ichibi screeched. Zoro nodded.

"I wanted to do that for a long time. And besides, I wanted to see if Ichibi would die again." Akiri said.

Ichibi did the retarded ballerina and Zoro fainted. "You are a bitch, you know that?" Ichibi muttered.

"Oh I know." Akiri rolled her eyes and leaned back in the couch. Fir'nin sighed and sat down. Without warning, Dante and Jashin, our lovely couple of the fucking year, sauntered downstairs and sat on either side of the poor elf.

"Help?" He asked.

Dante grinned. "Well, Jashin, waddaya think?" He asked, stroking Fir'nin's cheek.

"I dunno, doesn't he seem too young?" Jashin asked.

"How old are you?" Dante asked.

The poor elf looked like a broken thermometer. Head to foot blood red. "I-i-i-i d-d-d-don't t-t-t-h-hink t-t-th-th-thats a-a-a-any o-o-o-of y-y-y-y-your c-c-c-c-c-concern." He stuttered.

"Oh come now, please?" Jashin cooed.

Akiri, already up to her wits with the two gay idiots, brought her baseball bat down on both their heads simultaniously. "Leave the guy alone!" She yelled, hitting Jashin several times more and then Dante the same.

Fir'nin, eyes wide as tennisballs, stared at Akiri in fear. She turned to him, face still twisted in a vicious murder/ anger joint, and then calmed down. Jashin rubbed his head, a lump forming. "We just want to know..." He muttered under his breath.

"Well ya aint gonna know! Okay, so both of you go to your room and fucking stay there for the remainder of the fucking day. You're grounded!" Akiri yelled.

Kisame and Itachi shook their hands. "Yho, go mom." Kisame said.

Akiri glared at them. "Do I look like your fucking mother?" She asked. Kisame shook his head quickly and dove under the couch.

After an hour, everyone was lounging around outside by the pool. Momo wanted to braai.

Enough said, the meat was being grilled by none other than Sanji, Kisame swam around in the pool with an apple in his mouth (Akiri said that if he touches one of the koi, he's dead), Hidan, Hades, Jashin and Dante were sloshing themselves on tequila and wine, Momo (the cat who suggested the braai) was chatting her heart out with a glass of wine in hand to Usopp, who had already put cotton wool in his ears to block out the constant chatter.

Ichibi was just casually tanning herself fucked on a towel, Zetsu and Itachi were asleep in the sun on the grass, Zoro kept nagging at Akiri to let him sit on her lap, Nami (after Kakuzu glared daggers at her again) was tanning as well, Luffy was already scarfing down food and Sasuke and Naruto were glaring at each other.

Chopper was eating a bar of chocolate, Kakashi was reading a porno magazine, Konan was tanning, Pein glared at Sanji, Kakuzu and Madara just sat there, Tobi was dancing like a moron, Deidara was painting his toenails, Sasori stayed as far away from the water as possible, Kabuto clung to a tree for no reason and Fir'nin just sat there, by Akiri's feet, watching the group of madmen.

Then, for no fucking reason, Ichibi jumped up, dashed to the pool, waited for Kisame to pass her and kicked him. Kisame spit the apple out and attacked Ichibi. Hades jumped up and started attacking Kisame. Dante and Jashin hollered and cheered them on. Ichibi jumped into the pool and swam away for her life, but Kisame grabbed hold of her ankle and kept her from escaping. Akiri sighed and leaned back in the chair.

Sasuke finally turned his head when Ichibi screeched, so he jumped up and attacked Kisame. Hades whacked him through the face by accident and sent the young Uchiha flying waywards into Momo, who screeched when Sasuke tried to get up but grabbed hold of her boob. Naruto saw this and ran to kill Sasuke. Ichibi was released when Kisame reered around and threw her out of the water.

Flying without her swimsuit on (because the force of her exiting the water made her bikini slip off,) Ichibi crash landed into Zoro, who in turn skidded backwards and collided with Sanji, sending a steak through the air that knocked Luffy out on contact with his head. Sanji and Zoro started brawling, one about the steak, the other about him standing in the way.

Ichibi got up and was kicked in her rear by Akiri, which sent the poor naked twit flying back into the pool.

The others not involved in the fight just watched as Kisame's ass was beaten up by Hades, Sanji knocked Zoro out, Ichibi desperately tried to find her bikini with fail, Sasuke and Naruto bliksemed each other, Momo got punched in the face and then passed out and Kabuto fell out of the tree and into the pool.

Everyone sat around the table after the food was finished. Ichibi, having failed to get her bikini back, sat naked at the table, not noticing Sasuke and Hades' prying eyes on her. Jashin sighed. "Why can't you sit naked every now and then?" He asked Akiri.

Her eye twitched and she punched him. "Shut up, asshole."

After the meal, everyone was still outside. Tobi was scarred for life, having seen Ichibi naked, so he was muttering that he was a good boy the whole time. Kakuzu had retired inside to count their finances, dragging a protesting Nami with him.

It was already starting to get late and poor Fir'nin, with his head on Akiri's lap, passed out. Jashin and Dante were at the mini bar, endulging themselves in the alcohol and Usopp, having finally gotten away from Momo with her constant yapping, watched the fish in the river that ran around the pool.

Such a nice day. Normal actions from all the people there. Nothing could go wrong. Unless...

**Tee hee. I love cliffies! Anyway, review and I think I'll have chapter 9 done by tonight and post it with extra clad armor on and a torch in hand.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: just a dream.

**A/N: prolly gonna start finishing Mad People so I can get on to my surprise that I want to give you! There will be at least twelve chapters, if not, then this is probably the second last chapter of the Mad People series.**

**Anyway, enjoy this chapter and review you bastards.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

BANG! WHEE! AAARGH!

Akiri's head snapped up. A normal Sunday evening was ruined in an instant as something fell from the sky and crashed into the pool. What a fucking entrance I say. Akiri stood up and went over to see what landed in the pool.

A head popped out of the water, sputtering and coughing. Akiri's eye twitched. There was a girl in the pool.

Akiri walked over to the pool and helped the girl out. She had dark purple hair and was incredibly short, just like Ichibi and Momo. "Thank you!" The girl squeaked after she was placed on her feet. "Sorry for the intrusion... My experiment went... Boom..."

"Who are you?" Akiri asked, relaxed.

"Eh? Oh... Sorry. My name is Kuro Achiki." The girl smiled. Then her eyes widened when she saw Akiri's face. "Oh my holy hair!" She jumped up and shook Akiri's hand. "Itssuchapleasuretomeetyou!" She squealed.

Akiri stared at her, confused. Ichibi, still naked, with Momo at her side, cocked their heads to the side. "Do we know you?" Momo asked.

"Ah! Sorry!" Kuro jumped. "I'm a huge fan. I never thought I'd end up here!"

Akiri, Momo and Ichibi turned to each other. "We're famous?" Ichibi asked.

"Yep! The whole world knows about DMS and the awesome and powerful mad people!" Kuro quacked. "Although... Where's Luna and Akuto?" She asked.

Akiri turned around and left, without a word. Momo sighed. "Akiri kicked them out." She said.

"Why?"

"I dunno. But its been eating at her ever since..." Ichibi said.

"Oh..."

"Well, Kuro!" Momo squeaked.

"Yeah?!" Kuro quacked. "Oh, can I get a lift home?" She asked.

"Sure!" Momo said. "As soon as Akiri cheers up." She added.

"We'll get her spirits lifted." Jashin said.

Ichibi and Momo stared at the two gay fuckers, eyes twitching. "Zoro will help, won't he?" Dante questioned. Poor Zoro, standing next to Fir'nin, stared at them, sighed and then followed the two inside.

"What're they gonna do?" Fir'nin asked.

"Don't ask..." Ichibi said.

"Just... Don't." Momo added.

Not three minutes later, the lovely sounds of Akiri being fucked was heard all over.

Poor Kuro plugged her ears. The Akatsuki sighed and the pirate crew stared at the roof. Ichibi and Momo were trying to block out the sounds and the other people there, Kabuto, Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi, ignored it.

Only an hour later did the moaning stop. Zoro, Dante and Jashin sauntered downstairs, grinning like morons. (Great! Now they got Zoro into it as well?!) Akiri came downstairs not long after, butt naked, hair messed up, tired looking and went to the kitchen to get coffee.

In that instant, because Zoro, Dante and Jashin were half naked when they went downstairs, Ichibi puked in Zetsu again and Momo's nose bled eratically. Kuro just stared.

The next day, Akiri lounged on the couch, flicking through channels. "Oh yeah, forgot to ask you. Kuro needs a lift home." Ichibi said randomly.

Akiri lifted her eyebrow. "So? You know how to drive."

"Eh... Hehehehe... I just wanted to ask anyhow..."

"Why?"

Ichibi scratched her head. "Well... I thought I'd get into shit if I just took the van..."

Akiri kicked her in the back of her head. "Idiot."

Ichibi rubbed her injured head. "Ow... Okay! Let's go Kuro!"

And then Ichibi left, driving Kuro back to her house.

I jumped up, falling out of bed. "Dear lord. That was one helluva dream!" I shouted.

After stretching and getting myself coffee, I turned on my pc, yawning widely. I browsed through the files on the harddrive and opened an episode of Naruto.

Was that just a dream? Or was it real?

**SPOILER!**

**Anyway, review and hope to see you in the next chapter!**

**What the fuck is this?**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: was it real?

**This, unfortunately is the last chapter for the Mad People series.**

**Bawls eyes out.**

**So anyway, enjoy this chapter and review or I'll get Zetsu to video tape your snoring.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**Note: *cries* noooo!**

After watching the episode of Naruto, my mind wandered to the dream.

It was just a dream! Yet it felt so real...

I was the main character...

The DMS was not real. Akiri wasn't real, Ichibi wasn't real, Momo wasn't real, Akuto wasn't real and Luna wasn't real.

There was no such thing as Naruto characters coming to the normal world or One Piece characters in this world.

Kakashi didn't have his way with me. Dante and Jashin doesn't exist.

Akiri and everyone else didn't live in a huge ass castle that they renovated and built a super awesome pool.

There wasn't a war, nothing really happened!

I stared at my computer screen, sighing. "It was just... A dream..."

A nice Saturday morning. I opened word on my pc and started writing the dream down. I'd post it on , hopefully it'll spark some interest.

After that, I decided to message Jolene to tell her the weird dream. I mean, who doesn't think its weird when your best friend gets kicked around naked at the end.

Monique and Jolene both said that its one awesome dream, but they think that I should lay off the weed.

Dammit!

Oh well... They figured out I used weed a while ago, so its not that bad... But to think that I'd get one weird ass dream because of it.

Bawahhahahahaha! I'm still laughing about it...

I decided I would name the fanfic Mad People.

**So whaddaya think? Oops! I forgot to tell you!**

**This story is to be continued as...**

**...**

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**Wait for it!**

**...**

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**Witch in Naruto!**

**Hahahaha! Hope you enjoyed the Mad People series and hop straight to Witch in Naruto!**

**This time the story is more realistic and way more badass!**


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